Beating the Embarrassment of Failure

So I made it to a second day of writing on the regular.  Something interesting that I want to share from yesterday is a “sign” I found when I sat down at the desk at 6:30 am to write.  I already knew the topic I was going to write about (embarrassment) and that I was going to announce that I was going to, yet again, make a declaration of commitment to writing.

I sit at the desk, turn the computer on and start gathering all the papers in front of me into a pile so I can put them on the side.  (This is actually my sister’s desk because my boyfriend and I are staying at her house while we look for an apartment.)  I pull one paper out that “happens” to say “No More Shame”--a brochure from a Singapore-based pastor named Joseph Prince.  I know his material well.  Bible-based, grace and love-filled encouragement.  His books, CD's, and magazines are all over my sister’s house.  His sermons helped my sister’s boyfriend believe that he would be healed from cancer (and he has been healed for a year now).

This same grace gave me confidence to try again at my writing.  I want to make a living off of writing so bad.  I’ve been reading a book of interviews of well-known writers such as Jodi Picoult, Sue Grafton and others.  So far most of them say the same thing.  “I can’t not write” or “Writing is the only thing I know how to do.”  Yes!  I agree.  There are other things I’ve learned to do such as office work, waitressing, and teaching.  I had to work very hard at those jobs, but I was never naturally good at them.  Writing is the only thing I feel good about doing.  It takes hard work and discipline, but even then it’s fun.  It’s because I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing.  And I know I’m good at it.  All those other jobs left a daily doubt in my mind of whether or not I was doing well.  But when I write, I know I’m the bomb.

So with renewed commitment and a heavenly sign of “No More Shame”,  I am ready to officially start my career of being a writer for myself (meaning I will not only freelance for the newspaper, but I will turn my own ideas into books--fiction and non--and articles).