Embarrassed to Try Again?

Hello, I’m back!!--(aga-a-in)...(and again)...(and again, and again, and again).  You know those people who say “I’m a writer” and then you ask them a year later “So how’s the book coming?” and their answer is “I’m still working on it”?  Embarrassing, right?  Well, that’s kinda me.

Three weeks ago, my boyfriend and I relocated to a town an hour and ten minutes from the one we were living in (still no Starbucks here, but an improvement nonetheless).  We are still looking for a place, so meanwhile we are staying with my sister and her boyfriend.  I am sitting at my boyfriend’s new, barely used Mac PC that a friend just gave to him (see, I told you it was an improvement), and doing some writing at 6:30am.  Who writes at 6:30am??  I never thought I would.  But this idea came to me and just wouldn’t let me go, and in a house with four people I am forced to find my writing time when the others are sleeping.  And I’m not even a morning person.

I have had the privilege of not having to work for the past 22 months at a typical job so I could focus on my writing.  While I did spend a year and a half writing articles for the local newspaper about fun events like the town’s street festival or the upcoming season of the local corn maze (and am still doing so long distance for the next two months), I didn’t get much accomplished in the fiction department (my true passion) except for finding a thousand ways not to write and finish a novel.  (Maybe I’ll rename my blog!)

Now, the time to get a job has come.  There are no other options.  I have to do work for someone else and like it long enough to make it through this present financial crisis, write a book, and hope it becomes a bestseller so neither my boyfriend nor I have to work.  (That’s the best case scenario.  Making enough off of a book just to replace a low-income paycheck would be UNBELIEVABLE! at this point.)

Last night while trying to go to sleep, I was inspired, or I had had coffee too late at night, and I kept thinking of these ideas to write and to find more freelance writing work.  (Right now I am editing a friend’s book--for pay, mind you--so don’t you adoring fans get any ideas unless you have cash in your wallet.  And of course I’m talking to you in pure belief that you exist and are actually reading this.  I charge $12 an hour in case you’re interested.)  I finally took out my S Pen on my Galaxy Note II and began scribbling my thoughts.

The result:  a new boost of inspiration to get on the writing horse (riding/writing horse--pretty cool, huh?) again.  I thought “I will start my blog again, you know, the one about the writer’s journey to her first novel.  But perhaps I should start a new one, because this time the journey’s for real.  No false starts like the last two or three I pulled.”  But something in me said “It would be so much more real if you continued on the one that already existed.”  So I’m here this morning, writing something new for my old blog, confessing to everyone that I have failed--again; and I’m trying to continue--again.  I don’t expect anyone to believe me it’s for real this time.  I don’t even know if it is.  But I know I’m trying again, in spite of the embarrassment and possible re-failure.  (I can’t in good conscience call it just plain failure after so many times.)

So here I go to catalog my journey again.  I may not see you for another two months, or I may see you again tomorrow.  Either way, I’ll be back, embarrassment notwithstanding.

Is Your Work Any Fun?

Hello everyone.  The ups and downs of figuring out one’s first novel can be exhausting.  Forgive my long absence.  I long for the day when my rough draft is complete.  I think I shall feel a huge sense of relief on that day.  But there is still quite a ways to go.

The story is developing on the page, albeit more slowly than I would like.  I think about how many days I have left and the work seems impossible.  But the key is to stay focused on the task at hand.  And to have fun doing it.  

Some may argue that fun has nothing to do with it.  Hard work is what gets things done.  That may be the case for some types of jobs, but for a creative one, it is crucial to have fun.  Inspiration and stress do not go hand in hand.  As soon as I get stressed by my monumental goal, the inspiration leaves.  So I have found a new necessity, to stay calm and happy and to have fun.

You may laugh at what taught me this lesson, but I am not ashamed to say it.  Farm Heroes.  Farm Heroes is similar to Candy Crush, both are made by the same company.  You have to match three or more of the same fruit or vegetable.  And in each level you must collect a specified number of certain fruits and vegetables.  When I first began playing, I flew through the levels.  I was having fun.  When I got to the harder levels, it took several tries to beat each one.  I was still having fun because the most enjoyable part to me was matching those little fruits and looking for rows of five, the ultimate prize in matching.  A row of five apples, for example, will take out every apple on the grid and usually causes a bunch more automatic matches as the rest of the fruits and veggies fall into the open spaces left by the apples.  But then a thought was introduced to me by someone who shall remain anonymous, that careful scrutiny wins the game.  I began analyzing the location of every fruit and vegetable, figuring out what item would fall in their place if I made a match and trying to maneuver certain fruits into certain locations so I could get a win.  While trying this method, the game wasn’t so much fun.  I didn’t feel much like playing any more.  I was afraid I would set the game aside and not care to progress any further since it was becoming a burden to me.  The game used to be fun.  Fun.  That was the key!

So I switched to my former method of just having fun and telling myself, “I got this.”  I began enjoying the game again, and beating the levels again.  Much of the game depends on fate, what kind of new fruits and vegetables enter the grid after you have made a match.  If the game doesn’t give you the veggies you need, you can’t make a match.  So how do you get the right veggies and beat the level?  The only thing that has worked for me is to have fun. When I do, most of the matches are made for me by the random fruit that falls.  I feel like I am doing barely any work at all.  Having fun in the game was a rather easy concept to figure out because games are made for entertainment, to give you fun.  I am choosing the unthinkable and applying that concept to my work.  

Some days, like today, I struggle with knowing what to write next, how to write it.  I need to feel inspired.  I use different things like a movie or song or read a few chapters of a book to inspire myself.  But sometimes that just doesn’t work.  Why would any of those things work if I’m not having fun?

This week I realized that the fun had stopped.  My writing was becoming a chore.  The deep feeling and inspiration weren’t there.  So today I’m starting again with having fun and trusting God to bring the feeling as I approach my work with happiness.

Some practical things I do to make my writing fun again is to imagine myself as a well-known author who gets up every day and writes in her jammies.  She can do whatever she wants, however she wants because she makes an ample living off of her love of writing.  She pauses in the middle of the day to watch a movie or take a nap.  She feels free and happy.  When she wakes she is drawn to her laptop again for love of her characters and the joy of writing.  And perhaps the next day, she just takes off and gives herself a break.

These thoughts make me fall in love with writing all over again and remind me to have fun.

Have fun with me today as we do our work, and let’s see what blessings fate brings our way because of it.